Great frolicking bags of bullet holes
by eeeekk
Summary: A story with an unbelievably long, pointless, stretched out, uninformative, unimaginative, boring, and just plain dumb summary that tells nothing about the story...OKAY! I'll summarize...Draco has a plan...it backfires... *~*NOT slash!*~*
1. Great frolicking bags of bullet holes!

In the Slytherin common room... It is September first and the feast in the great hall has just ended. Draco is not looking forward to his 5th year at Hogwarts and is racking his brain trying to figure out a way to get out of it.  
  
"Draco you can't really get out of a WHOLE year of school without having to retake it." Crabbe was trying to convince Draco to give it up.  
  
"Oh yes I can...I can do anything." He said sounding pathetic.  
  
"Not this! Hehehe..." Goyle laughed but stopped as soon as he got a death glare from Draco.  
  
Draco was getting mad. He pulled out his very large copy of "Hogwarts rules and policies" and began to study it furiously. One hour went by and he found nothing...two hours...three...and somewhere in the middle of his fourth hour...  
  
"I FOUND IT!!!" Draco shouted gleefully waking up Crabbe and Goyle who stumbled sleepily over to Draco to see what he found.  
  
"Look...right there on page 327 under paragraph two...'If by chance a random spell mishap leaves a student with a less than rightfully functioning mind, he/she shall be excused from all classes for all the time necessary until the problem is corrected, unless the headmaster of current rule has an alternative solution.' JUST LOOK AT THAT!!! So I just act crazy and you guys say that I was hit by a bad spell from an unknown source and I get off this year!" He said careful not to let anyone else overhear.  
  
"Wow...okay...that's cool...I guess." Goyle said amazed that he found something.  
  
"We start tomorrow...I'll start acting empty headed and you go run to Dumbledore and tell him I was hit by a spell and am acting weird!" Draco explained.  
  
They went to sleep and the next morning Draco woke up early to prepare for his role. He then woke up Crabbe and Goyle and sent them off on their 'missions'.  
  
"DUMBLEDORE! DUMBLEDORE!" Goyle yelled running to catch up to the headmaster that he saw walking throughout the halls. A slow Crabbe following behind. "Draco was hit by a spell! It's really bad he doesn't remember anything and he's acting weird. Nothing he says makes much sense and he's doing odd things! Come see! Come help him!" Goyle yelled when he caught up to the Headmaster.  
  
A shocked Dumbledore followed the two hysterical students back to the Slytherin common room and then up to their dorm. There he saw not only a *dazed and confused Draco* but also an open copy of "Hogwarts rules and policies" and noted to page number.  
  
"Well this is quite unusual indeed...excuse me but I must talk to the other professors and figure out what to do with poor Draco here." And with that he walked out of the room and got to the hall. He smiled to himself and shook his head, he let out what sounded oddly like a chuckle and proceeded to his office to see what was on page 327 of the giant book.  
  
"Ah of course..." he said to himself, "clever one, that Draco...it seems I will just have to be a little clever myself. He thought for a moment and studied the last part stating that if the headmaster had another solution, that one would be used, "But what to do with him." He thought.  
  
Meanwhile in the Slytherin dorms...  
  
"He FELL for it he really FELL for it! No classes this year...this'll be too easy!" Draco said to no one in particular.  
  
Draco decided that he should have some fun with his "current state" and left the dorms for breakfast...there he walked up to a random girl that he had never talked to before and exclaimed, "You forgot to say cheese!" A random boy and asked, "Don't you just love it when people throw cereal spoons at birds?" He was having fun watching the shocked and confused looks on peoples faces when he spotted Harry Potter across the room. He walked right up to him and said, "Great frolicking bags of bullet holes, what does the brick have to do with all this?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Harry asked trying to sort out what Draco had just said.  
  
"Who cares? That's the point, you see?" Draco said enjoying the confused look on Harry's face, not to mention Ron's and Hermione's who were standing behind him.  
  
"WHAT are you talking about?" Hermione spoke up.  
  
"Oh no you're one of THEM!" Draco said keeping a straight face.  
  
"Listen here Malfoy, I don't know what's going on but I'm sick of your whole "mudblood" thing!" Hermione shouted. Malfoy gave her a blank stare and continued his nonsense...  
  
"You're quite the toothpaste today aren't you?" he said.  
  
"WHAT?" Hermione yelled getting mad and walking off as Ron and Harry stood staring at Draco as if he had just turned into fluffy, the three headed dog.  
  
"Oh Jim said I should tell you 'never'." He told Ron and walked away to confuse other people. ("why'd you kill the Billy goat?" "Don't tell anybody...but I'm dead." "Are the stewed prunes still in the hairdryer?")  
  
By the end of breakfast everyone knew that Draco was a little messed up in the head. Also Prof. Dumbledore had come up with a "solution" and soon called Harry and Draco to his office...  
  
"1000 salutations and a lump of blue cheese!" Draco greeted Dumbledore as he walked into his office.  
  
"You to Draco...you too." Dumbledore replied.  
  
"What's going on?" Harry asked VERY confused.  
  
"Well Mr. Potter...Draco has been in an 'accident' and his brain is just not functioning right." He began as he watched Draco look dumbly around the room, "And...well...I have come up with what I feel is the beast thing to do in this situation...I will be placing you in charge of making sure he doesn't get into trouble." Dumbledore said.  
  
"Me? Umm...why?" Harry asked shocked.  
  
"I have put much thought onto this and decided that you are the best for this job...Now this will be quite a task and we are unsure of how long Draco will be...well...like he is now," He said looking at Draco and watching him pretend not to notice what was going on when he knew he was panicking inside, "Harry if you watch him and make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble I will excuse you from all homework assignments until he is better, Do you accept?"  
  
"ALL homework assignments! Well yes...ummm...yeah I accept." He said looking at Draco and thinking that it couldn't be that bad, after all he was stupid for the time being.  
  
"Very good then...both of you go pack your things...I trust you can do that alone Draco?...and then meet me here and I will show you to your new room." He said  
  
"WAIT...WHAT do you mean 'NEW ROOM'?" Harry asked.  
  
"Well...you two will need a room together of course...Harry you must watch after him at all times...I have also made sure you two have the same classes." He said and closed the door before Harry had a chance to protest.  
  
A very angered Harry stormed up to his room to pack his things and a VERY confused and angry Draco did the same.  
  
Whooo hooo!!! First Chapter...I will need at least 7 reviews to continue...  
  
Bye ***Jessica*** 


	2. hahahahahastupidpencilhahahahaha

Harry, for the first time in his life had a few bad things to say about Dumbledore as he grumbled a explaination to his friends and packed.  
  
"Well, maybe Draco will get better soon." Ron suggested hopefully.  
  
"Maybe you can push him out a window!" Hermione said.  
  
"Wow! Hremione! I'm shocked. Good for you!" said Ron impressed with her statement.  
  
"No. I have to watch out for him...not get him killed...sadly." Harry said as he continued to pack.  
  
"Yeah...that I too bad...do you know where you two are going?" Ron asked.  
  
"Not in the least bit...i'd like to back out but I already told dumbledore that I would do it." Haryy said.  
  
"COME ON Harry...it can't be that bad!" Hermione said. Ron and Harry stared at her for a second, then decided that if she believed herself, she was as madd as **Draco** was.  
  
Meanwhile in the Slytherin common room...  
  
"That bloody fool! Imagine him putting ME with POTTER!!! AHHHHGGG! Now I have to live with the fool and pretend to be crazy the whole time!!!" Draco was yelling while carelessly packing up all of his stuff.  
  
"Sucks," said Goyle.  
  
"Yeah," said Crabbe as they both went back to pulling the legs off of a spider.  
  
"I mean who does he think he is...He let Potter skip ALL homework assignments and told him to "make sure I don't get myself in any trouble! What the fucking hell does that idiot think I will do...get my head stuck in a sock? And the worst thing is I can't be mean to Potter because if he knew that I was fakeing he'd go straight to Dumbledore!" Draco yelled as he finished packing and set back off to Dumbledore's office, giving his dorm one last look.  
  
When he got in from of the office he calmed himself down and waited. Harry also finished packing and headed off to the office. When he saw draco looking around blankly he became even more angry.  
  
"Listen here, you bloody prat, I wouldn't have agreed to this if I had known that this was going to happen...and I suggest that you leave me alone if you know what's good for you." Harry said as Draco stared blankly at him yet again.  
  
He wnterd to insult him...he wnted to insult him so badly, but he swallowed his urge and simply said, "It isn't."  
  
"What...what "isn't?" Harry saked.  
  
"Some fool made the wheels invisible." Draco said struggleing to keep a straight face.  
  
"WHAT wheels?" Harry yelled.  
  
At that moment Dumbledore walked out of his office to bring them to their new room. Dumbledore had to admit he found Draco's acting skills amusing and was enjoying his ramdom comments.  
  
"Am I in graduate school yet?" he asked as they walked to the location of the new room, but got no answer.  
  
Finally they arrived in a semi-ligted hall with a single picture on the wall of a very old man writhing with a peacock feather quill.  
  
"Password?" He asked.  
  
"Your password for this year will be 'tissuemountains,'" said Dumbledore. The door swung open and he left as Harry and Draco got in.  
  
Draco looked around at the room. It had no common room, it was just a bedroom. I was quite large with one bed at each side. Though he wouldn't have to be that close to Potter, he still didn't like the idea of sharing the room with Potter any more than Harry liked sharing a room him. He picked his side and began to put away his things. Harry did the same. By the end of the day they were all settled in and Draco was thinking of a way to seem crazy and annoy Harry...then it came to him.  
  
He conjured up thirty pens and lined them up on his side of the room, the he conjured up one pencil and threw it a Harry.  
  
"Ouch!" Harry exclaimed after the pencil hit him in the head, and then picked it up and held it, "What did you do that for?"  
  
Draco shrugged and then quickly charmed his pen to have mouths and to laugh at the pencil. (hahahahah...look at the stupid pencil...hahahahaha) Harry soon realized that this was **crazy Draco's** way of making fun of him and decided to play along.  
  
"Yeah but this pencil has an advantage," Draco stared with a questing look, "It has an eraser!" Harry said triumphantly.  
  
Draco thought for a moment and then changed all of his pens into **eraseable** pens! (hahahaha...look at the dumb pencil...hahahaha) Harry looked beat and gave up and told Draco to go to bed. Draco did so and Harry got rid of all to pens and the pencil **so that draco wouldn't hurt himself or anything**  
  
Well.my 2nd chapter, *sighs* And I still haven't gotten my 7 reviews! **tear** Oh well I hope you like it. More of Dracoo's crazy ways to annoy Harry coming up.I will get more funny in chapters 3 and 4! REVIEW!!! Buh bye **Jessica** 


	3. my shadow was injured can I borrow yours...

In Harry and Draco's new room...  
  
Draco wakes up from a bad nightmare about bad Lemon Fridge cake from Siberia. He attempts to work out the details of the dream, but soon gives up and plans out what craziness he will pull today...  
  
He looks around the room and sees Harry reading a book in bed so he gets out of bed and walks over to his trunk...He opens it up and sees that his laundry (that he put in the drawers yesterday) is *GASP* GONE!!!  
  
"MY LAUNDRY HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED!!!" He screamed and began to run around the room in fake panic.  
  
Harry looks up from his book, sighs, and calmly explains to Draco that it is in his drawer...where he put it.  
  
"Oh...well then...did you bring the cards?" Draco asked dumbly.  
  
"No, Draco, I didn't bring the cards..." Harry said hiding his confusion.  
  
"Oh well, what do I do now?" Draco asked.  
  
"I talked to the Dumbledore yesterday after you fell asleep and he said that we both will begin classes in a week because they haven't had time to straightened out our new schedules yet...and you still don't know anything." Harry said.  
  
"I know stuff!" Draco said sounding offended.  
  
He walked over to the other side of the room and Harry went back to his book. Draco pulled out a little table and set up a chessboard...and stared at it...and stared some more...and some more...thirty minutes of staring...Harry had stopped reading about twenty-five minutes earlier and was watching Draco staring away at the chessboard as if he were waiting for it to make a move. Draco was getting bored and looked up to find Harry staring at him,  
  
"I think this game goes faster with two people..." he said.  
  
"Maybe..." Harry said sarcastically.  
  
"I think I'll play some basketball instead," He said as he conjured up a rim and began to play basketball...with the refrigerator...  
  
He played game after game and somehow managed to loose each time.  
  
"Wow, Harry, I think the damned refrigerator is taking steroids!!!" Draco said as he *lost* for the eighth time.  
  
"Well I guess you'll have to find something else to do!" Harry said hopefully. (the banging of the basketball was getting on his nerves.)  
  
"You're right...I'd better find something else to do," He said and thought for a moment. He then conjured up some boxing gloves, put them on and began to shadow box.  
  
"Ha...take that SHADOW!" he yelled.  
  
Harry watch and felt as if he would rather be having a tea party with Voldemort and listening to Italian teenage boybands than being with Draco and his *mental problem*  
  
"Oy, Harry!" Draco called as he walked over after a big fight with his shadow.  
  
"What?" Harry asked.  
  
"My shadow was ummm...injured," He started.  
  
"What did you beat it up or something?" Harry asked.  
  
"No, it tripped over YOUR shoes that were just LYING CARELESSLY in a drawer, but that's not the point...my shadow can't box anymore, can I borrow yours?" He asked.  
  
"Sure why not," Harry said beat.  
  
Draco walked back over to the wall...  
  
"Oh, NEVERMIND HARRY!" He began, "MY SHADOW'S OKAY AFTERALL!" Draco yelled and started boxing again.  
  
"Oh joy...oh rapture." Harry mumbled as he got up to go take a shower... 


	4. Eminem and Voldemort?

Once Harry got out of the shower he put on his pajamas (?) and got in his bed. When he turned off the light he got yelled at by the still shadow boxing Draco who could no longer see his shadow. (You monkey loser on a penguin's doormat!) Once Draco was finished Harry fell asleep after only five minutes in his comfy bed (...and visions of sugar plums danced the funky chicken in his head...) Naw, Just playin' actually he had a nightmare about the whole *crazy Draco* thing.  
  
But Draco on the other hand could not sleep...'Shit this sucks,' he thought trying to fall asleep, 'I mean that stupid gay ass lil' potter actually thinks he's the superior one around here, shit, somethin' has to be done about that...' Draco continued to think...and think...and think...  
  
By three o'clock the next morning he decided to continue confusing Harry until he could come up with something better. (Clever guy huh?)  
  
Harry woke up the next morning to find Draco staring at him, Harry sighed and pinched himself to make sure he wasn't still a victim of his own nightmare, but soon realize that the whole situation was a LIVING nightmare and ignored a still staring Draco. Both Harry and Draco were to start their classes in three days and Harry couldn't wait, it was his chance to see Ron and Hermione again, AND get a little space from Draco, which was an EXTREMELY LARGE bonus. Though he would have all of the same classes as Draco, he could actually have a chance to talk to other people...you know...the ones who aren't *crazy*  
  
Harry looked back at Draco who was staring...and staring...not even blinking an eye...okay he blinked but hey it's just a small detail...then suddenly Draco stood up and walked out of the room. Harry sat there baffled and confused before shrugging his shoulders and going back to bed.  
  
Draco on the other hand (or foot if you swing that way) was on his way to the Great hall to see his fellow Slytherins at breakfast... he got his food and sat down with Crabbe and Goyle...  
  
"HEY! I ordered a cheeseburger!" he exclaimed looking at his breakfast oddly.  
  
"Draco cut the shit...what's been goin' on with you...when you coming to class?" Goyle asked.  
  
"GOYLE?" Draco asked shocked that he had finished a sentence with few grammatical errors and not getting a HUGE headache.  
  
"OWWWWIE...MY HEAD!!!" Goyle yelled in pain. (oops...spoke too soon!)  
  
Draco sighed and ate his breakfast, told Crabbe and Goyle a little bit of what was going on, and then took them up to his new room to continue with his *latest plan* Harry woke up for the second time that morning and almost had a heart attack when he found Draco, Crabbe, AND Goyle all staring at him...pinched himself again...just to make sure...then sighed and tried to ignore them. Key words: He TRIED to ignore them, but it just didn't work...especially when the started throwing exploding peanuts at him and said things like "Man this zoo is NOTHING like it used to be!"  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Harry yelled, "GET OUT!" He pushed them out the door while screaming about no privacy and how much he hated the Eminem song, "White America" (he was still half asleep)  
  
Draco was shocked as he watched Harry calmly walk back to his bed and try to fall asleep. A smirk worked it's way onto Dracos pale face...he began to hum...humhumhumhum...humhumhumhumhumhumhum...then sing softly... White America little Eric looks just like this...then louder... WHITE AMERICA ERICA LOVES MY SHIT...I GO TO TRL, LOOK HOW MANY HUGS I GET...then rap...Look at these eyes, baby blue, baby just like yourself, if they were brown Shady lose, Shady sits on the shelf but Shady's cute, Shady knew Shady's dimples would help, make ladies swoon baby, ooh baby! Look at my sales Lets do the math, If I was black I would've sold half, I ain't have to graduate from Lincoln High School to know that but I could rap, so fuck school, I'm too cool to go back, gimme the mic, show me where the fuckin' studio's at When I was underground, no one gave a fuck I was white, no labels wanted to sign me almost gave up, I was like  
  
Fuck it, until I met Dre, the only one to look past, gave me a chance, and I lit a fire up under his ass  
  
helped him get back to the top, every fan black that I got was probably his in exchange for every white fan that he's got Like damn, we just swapped. Sittin' back lookin' at shit, wow, I'm like my skin is it starting to work to my benefit now?...  
  
  
  
Harry pulled the pillow over his ears and let out a muffled scream... White America... ...See the problem is I speak to suburban kids who otherwise would of never knew these words exist whose moms probably woulda never gave two squirts of piss, till I created so much motherfuckin' turbulence straight out the tube, right into your living room I came, and kids flipped when they knew I was produced by Dre That's all it took, and they were instantly hooked right in, and they connected with me too because I looked like them that's why they put my lyrics up under this microscope, searchin' with a fine tooth comb, its like this rope waitin' to choke, tightening around my throat, watching me while I write this, like I don't like this (Nope) All I hear is: lyrics, lyrics, constant controversy, sponsors working round the clock, to try to stop my concerts early surely hip hop was never a problem in Harlem only in Boston, after it bothered the fathers of daughters starting to blossom so now I'm catchin' the flack from these activists when they raggin', actin' like I'm the first rapper to smack a bitch, or say faggot  
  
shit, just look at me like I'm your closest pal, the posterchild, the mother fuckin' spokesman now for... White AMERICA... Draco continued until Harry grunted, looked up and said, "You know he's a MUGGLE right?" then smiled as Draco stopped singing and got a very sour expression on his face...  
  
A peaceful quiet settled over the room as Draco contemplated whether he should dishonor his beliefs just to make Harry go crazy or not...he decided against it and sat in silence until...  
  
"achuuuu!" Harry let out a HUGE sneeze, Draco suddenly got a look of horror on his face and got up and ran into the closet, Harry sat confused and eyed the closet until Draco came out twenty minutes later.  
  
"I have a question Draco." Harry stated.  
  
"Well...Fire your cannons. ARRGG!" Draco replied sounding like a pirate.  
  
"mmmmmmk..." Harry started, "Why do you know all of the words to a muggle artist?"  
  
Draco look shocked at the question and struggled with an explanation..."Oh COME ON POTTER...don't tell me you've never listened to Voldemort's CD!"  
  
"Voldemort has a CD?" Harry asked baffled.  
  
Draco sighed and pulled out a rather funny looking CD player and CD. He pushed play and music filled the air...at least if you could call it music...it was all about how much he hated his mum, dad, ex wife, (sound familiar?) and of course Harry Potter...  
  
Harry stared shocked as the tune and words of that song changed to "V to the olde- M to the ort! I'm guilty, he who does not feel, me is not real to me, and will soon cease to exist, I'll do AVADA KEDAVRA on you, son of a bitch!"  
  
"Well then..." Harry said as Draco pushed stop and laughed.  
  
  
  
I'M SOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SOOOOO LONG!!! PLEASE forgive me and I PROMISE to update more frequently from now on! BUT PLEASE REVIEW!!! If you flame make it constructive!!! AND THANX SO MUCH TO ALL OF MY REVIEWERS!!!! Luvs yas!! Buh byez! 


	5. NO MORE DRAMA!

Lalalalalalala...I HAVE 16 reviews!!!! I am so happy!!! GOOOOOO me!!! I'm happy with myself!!! Lalalalalala I JUST SAW THE LORD OF THE RINGS!!! Will that have an effect on my story?...*grins an evil grin* you'll seeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Hehehe...lalalalalala...  
  
  
  
  
  
Harry, for the next two days had spent his free time listening to Voldemort's CD trying to figure him out ("they can trigger me but they'll NEVER figure me out!") but alas, failed...his unfree time (?) was spent enduring Draco's crazy ways...in a period of just two days the following damages were made from ****CrazyDraco**** (the stars add a little sumpthin extra don't ya think?)  
  
Mysterious posters showed up all over the school stating that Harry Potter was missing, they offered a 1000 galleion reward for his safe return. (he was safely returned eight times, and sadly injured twice...poor him...)  
  
Anonymous letters were found in his bed with things like 'I know what you did last summer' and 'you can run but you can't hide...' written on them in blood (actually red dye but it looked REAL)  
  
Draco was of course behind both of those but perhaps his most interesting plans are as following...  
  
He bought a watermelon (I know, stunning as that is, there's more to it than that!!!)  
  
He drew a face on it and EVEN... gave it a NAME!!! (Gasp!!!) He named the melon Frodo!!! (mwahahaha!!! Ring...ring...ring...Frodo give me the damned RING!!!)  
  
Draco then asked Harry (very politely) if ***Frodo*** (stars!...Stars!!...STARS!!!...) could sleep in his bed for the night.  
  
Now, Harry, being the little melon hater he is, did not want the bloody melon (no matter how kewl the name is) to sleep in the same bed as him (hey, it's bad enough having Draco in the same room) so he (not quite so politely) refused.  
  
Well...Harry's rudeness did not go unnoticed...for Draco (grins) PUSHED Frodo (NOOOOOO!!!) OUT THE WINDOW while Harry slept AND made it look like a suicide... He said NASTY things about Harry at the funeral!!! (yes, funeral!)  
  
  
  
But there is ONE other thing Draco did in those two days that tortured the very being that is Harry Potter... he bought a puppy...a cute...adorable...puppy, but did Draco let Harry pet the puppy (that he named 'Frodo Jr.' after Frodo the deceased)? NO!!!! he did not!!!  
  
He also laughed as Harry's allergies kicked in!  
  
But anyways, back to the present...after Harry gave up on trying to figure out Voldemort, he found he had little to do to occupy himself until he started school (in a day)  
  
He began to see that going to class was not going to be as fun as he had originally thought. Visions of Draco publicly frustrating and humiliating him, began to haunt his every thought until he began to dread leaving his room.  
  
He had seen and conquered the evilest of beings and yet he could not even bare the thought of getting out of bed anymore. What had Draco done to him? How could he have allowed himself to be forced into this state of nothingness by that pathetic piece of a blonde haired devil named Draco? He was losing it...cracking up...buying his one-way ticket to the loony bin...and yet he knew this was just the beginning of his year of torture...BUT! He KNEW he had to hold on...if not for himself, then for the children. (sorry...I got caught up in the moment)  
  
And he allowed himself a relaxing day of complete freedom (well almost complete freedom)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Well? That HAD to have been my suckiest chapter EVER!!! Oh well...I PROMISE my next one will be better (THEY GO TO SCHOOL!!!) I'm sorry if this one was a little hard to understand...it doesn't matter if you don't get it...it was a useless chapter that I only added f so that I could keep my promise to update as often as I can! It has nothing to do with the plot (that will be arriving shortly) and you didn't even have to read it to understand what's about to happen. FLAME away if you must...BUT I SHALL continue!!! (I'm big on dramatics today for some reason) o0o0o0o0oo0o0oo I MADE THE LEAD IN MY DRAMA SCHOOL'S PLAY!!!!!! I feel so happy!!!  
  
This is a self-flamed chapter so I'm not expecting that many good reviews, but if you want to write one, be my honored guest!!! (just don't steal the towels! They're new!!!)  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!! I accept Flames!!! (but only constructive ones!)  
  
THANK YOU TO MY REVIEWERS!!!! YOU ARE THE FUEL THAT KEEPS ME WRITING!!! Lots of love and PLESE SEND SOME SUGGSTIONS!!!! 


	6. Importance?

Okay, what the crap is up with all of you lazy ass people who can't even take two minutes out of your day to write something in a review about the story that someone has spent a buttload of time on for no real benefit to themselves! I know that more people have read this story than 11 people and it's pathetic that that's all the reviews this story has gotten...I don't even care if you flame as long as it's constructive but not saying anything is just pathetic. Thank you to the 11 people who reviewed but I am taking time out of my day to write this for people to read and I'm not even getting a comment from most people so I am not going to continue this story anymore...and you know what I suggest that all of the assholes that I am yelling at in this review write a story so that they can begin to appreciate the time and thought that has to be put into it!!! So peace eazy to the nicer, smarter, and more caring people out there and to the rest...shit I dunno fall down a sewer or something. I may continue later when and if I get more reviews but if not I'm done! Byez. 


	7. A REAL CHAPTER!

Heyz!!!! OMG!!! I wanna thank vashsunglasses for all of the great reviews!!! Yall need to read her story called The HogWarts Magical Broadcasting Network! It's really funny!!! Go read it and review!!!  
  
Okay and I'm a bit confused w/ a review I got that said, "oh thx and i just read your story and thought it as so funny well then f*** to u" I am having a little trouble deciding exactically what they meant.If it was about my 6th chapter then I just wanna say that I sorry if I offended anyone, the only people that I had wanted to yell at were the people who weren't planning to review a single time! If you had just read the story and hadn't had time to review then I wasn't talking to you!!! Oh well, I hope that cleared some stuff up! Well, I'm going to continue with my story now...because the spirit moves me!!!  
  
  
  
Harry woke up the next morning in straight out fear. He didn't want to go to class, and just to make things worse; his first class was potions. He was looking forward to seeing his friends and not having to do whatever impossible homework assignment Snape was going to hand out, but he still didn't want to spend all of his time having to pay attention to the teachers AND make sure Draco didn't get himself killed or further damaged.  
  
"It's off to potions we go, it's off to potions we go, hi ho the dairyo, it's off to potions we go!" Draco sang as he got his stuff together cheerfully.  
  
'Stupid, brain-dead, idiotic...idiot!" Harry thought as he grumpily got his things ready. Once he was all done he gave a sorrow-filled look to his room and led Draco down to the dungeons. On the way there Harry noticed that Draco's bag was a little bit bigger than it should be but he brushed it off and kept going...  
  
"Hello again you pathetic nothings of a class that I have the delightful pleasure of teaching," Snape started, "Today we will start on a new potion that is used to make the..." He trailed off as he saw Draco sleeping with a pillow on his desk, "MISTER POTTER!" he yelled causing Harry to jerk his head up from his notes.  
  
"What?" Harry asked.  
  
"I do believe that Dumbledore put you in charge of poor Mr. Malfoy here." He said pointing to a still sleeping Draco, "So I pretty sure that that means that you should have been watching him to prevent this from happening, therefore I will be deducting 30 points from Gryfindoor!" Groans could be heard from random kids throughout the classroom.  
  
"But it's not my fault he fell asleep! I was coping notes! I didn't see him!" Harry protested.  
  
"Mr. Potter do not further delay this class! Now, take Mr. Malfoy outside...he is far to tired to continue this lesson, and then I want you to get back in here and get the notes that you have missed in the past week!" Snape instructed.  
  
Harry woke Draco up and took him outside and told him to wait there until the end of class. (sound like a bad idea?)  
  
"WAIT!!!" Draco yelled.  
  
"What!?" Harry replied.  
  
"I want my pillow!!!" Draco whined.  
  
"Your PILLOW!? YOUR PILLOW!? Your pillow is the reason you have to stay out here and why I'm in trouble!!! Because You fell asleep on your PILLOW!!!" Harry yelled. "WAIT A MINUTE!!! YOU planned this, didn't you? YOU brought the pillow with you just so you could fall asleep and get ME in trouble!!!!"  
  
"I don't remember..." Draco said.  
  
"Well I do!!!!" Harry retorted. "it was in your bag.and I was wondering why your bag was sooo big!!!"  
  
"Well...why didn't you say so?" Draco asked.  
  
Harry gave up, went into the potions room, got Draco's pillow, took it outside, threw it at dracos head, (I hope it doesn't cause more brain damage!) and went back into the classroom to take notes.  
  
When class was over Harry walked outside to find that...(insert gasp here)...Draco...was...oh I can't say it...***Tear***...  
  
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo...cliffhanger...oh well...don't worry Imma post the next chapter today too!!! Aren't I the ever-so efficient one? Ummmm... INSIDE JOKE!!! Haha? Hehe? Giggle? Giggle? Chuckle? Chuckle? Snort? Snort? {insert geeky 'hah' here (it's a cross between a snort an a 'Ha')!!!} uuummmm...yeah... 


	8. Happy HalloweenChristmasAprilfoolsday!

When class was over Harry walked outside to find that...(insert gasp here)...Draco...was...oh I can't say it...***Tear***...  
  
READING!!! (I'm sorry...I was gunna say that he was gone...or making out with Ginny or something but...this hit me...) But, he was not reading any old book, he was reading...*eerie music* Harry Potter!!!  
  
"Hey Harry! Look! You have a stalker...named J.K. Rowling!!!" Draco exclaimed.  
  
"What? What is that?" Harry asked, not used to seeing his name on a FICTION book.  
  
"It's a story of your life! Interesting...the whole 'snuffles' thing, really interesting...how come you never told me you were almost sorted into slytherin?" Draco drawled.  
  
Confused at how Draco could possibly know all of this stuff, Harry grabbed the book and ran into the great hall, where he snuck into the kitchen and burned it in the stove. Harry then calmed himself down and walked back to where Draco was sitting and counting his fingers...  
  
"Hey, Potter?" Draco started, "How many fingers do you have?"  
  
"One." Harry said.  
  
"Oh..." came Draco's response.  
  
Harry walked Draco to their next class, herbology (?) where they were doing paperwork instead of their usual hands on activities. Ms. Sprout handed packets out to every student in the class...including **crazyDraco**  
  
"Andre!!! Andre!!!" Draco yelled at Harry, waving his papers like a mad man on a gas filled balloon, "I've got the secret documents!!"  
  
"Velly good glasshoppel but I am Andre!" a hufflepuff joked in a really bad Chinese/Japanese accent (note the 'Ls' rather than 'Rs')  
  
Draco frowned and sat down.  
  
The rest of the day went pretty much the same as it had started...Harry was about ready to cry like a turkey on Thanksgiving.  
  
Okay...I don't really have much to say about the next couple of weeks but Halloween is today... so I shall skip to then...  
  
Harry sleeping contently in his warm and fuzzy bed, when his pleasant dream of dancing pumpkin shaped/ flavored lollypops was interrupted by a special someone named Draco...  
  
"Harry, wake up it's Halloween!" he squealed.  
  
"No, it's 12:00 in the morning, you nincompoop!" Harry yelled grumpily.  
  
"I don't care you stupid lazy bum, get your pumpkin/lolly pop dreaming self outta bed! It's time to trick or treat!!!" Draco farted.  
  
Harry was instantly awoken to the highest point, "eeewwwww! WHAT WAS THAT?" Harry asked.  
  
"sorry..." Draco blushed.  
  
"I have just one thing to say to you...Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing  
  
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable  
  
rubbish imaginable,  
  
Mangled in tangled up knots." Harry stated.  
  
"oh..." Draco said.  
  
"April fools!" Harry says.  
  
"Harry...it's not April...and why?"  
  
"I dunno...I'm trying to go to sleep here!!!" Harry yelled.  
  
"Well, you can't it's Halloween...time to Trick or treat...or if we're lucky...BOTH!!!  
  
"Draco, we have to wait till Halloween night to go trick or treating...WAIT, we don't even GO trick or treating...this is school!" Harry said.  
  
"Yeah, we're supposed to be wizards and we can't even celebrate our holiday! I mean, what's Halloween if you can't dress up like a wizard and get your candy that will probably turn you into a frog?!!"  
  
"why would you dress up like a wizard if you are one?" Harry asked.  
  
"I dunno..." Draco contemplated, "it's paradox it goes on and on."  
  
"So will fifth year if you don't act sane." Harry yelled, "so suddup and go to sleep."  
  
"Act sane...act sane...hmmmmm...SHUT UP POTTER! AND GET YOUR ASS OUTTA BED!!! Wow...that felt good." Draco said the last part too quiet to hear.  
  
Harry jumped up surprised, because Draco had not yelled at him in a few weeks now...  
  
"Sane enough...sane enough...you keep acting like that and you'll be mistaken for...for...yourself." Harry said.  
  
Harry got up and went over to where Draco was, to see that the certain blonde headed wonder was hovering over a rather large pumpkin...carving it into an exact replica of...Santa Clause?  
  
"Draco...Why?" Harry asked pointing to he pumpkin.  
  
Draco sighed and explained..."This way I can carry this around and yell 'ho ho ho!'"  
  
"but." Harry started before realizing that he was fighting a losing battle.  
  
When Draco was finished he curled up in his bed and fell asleep. Relieved, Harry did the same...but his bed felt...different...it was then that he realized that he was laying in a bed full of pumpkin guts, he glared over at his roommate, but he was fast asleep. Harry used a cleaning spell and went to sleep too.  
  
At about seven that morning harry awoke again, but this time by his own will. He snuck off to breakfast because that thought that he and Draco had had a relatively decent conversation that morning scarred him. He met up with Ron and Hermione and told them about how Draco wanted to go Trick or treating dressed as a wizard...Ron and Harry had a ***Jolly good*** (inside joke) laugh about that but Hermione remained silent.  
  
"Why don't we ever go trick or treating here?" she asked, deep in thought, "It was sooooo fun and the candy was GOOD! I think we should PROTEST!"  
  
"Oh god here she goes with one of her protests again!" Ron said.  
  
"No SERIOUSLY! Guys! This is important...it's a grave injustice!!! I mean, what's Halloween if you can't dress up and get your candy that will probably turn you into a frog?!!" she asked.  
  
"that's exactly what Draco said." Harry informed.  
  
"I, for one plan to go trick or treating this afternoon!" Hermione stated, "who's with me?"  
  
"Probably me...I have to watch Draco and he wants to go so I prolly don't have any choice in the matter...You do realize that we won't get any candy, right?" Harry asked.  
  
"Why not?" Hermione asked.  
  
"BECAUSE NO ONE BOUGHT ANY!!!" Ron yelled, "And you're supposed to be the smart one..."  
  
"Oh COME ON Ron! EVERYONE has candy hidden away SOMEWHERE in their dorms!" She said.  
  
"Fine I'm in." Ron said.  
  
"Ummmm...guys...we don't have any costumes..." Harry informed.  
  
"Duh, Harry...I'll be a witch and you'll be wizards!" Mione said matter of factly.  
  
"That's exactly what Draco said." Harry informed for the second time.  
  
"Hmmmmm...Draco sounds like he has some pretty smart ideas bottled in his head behind his muggle hating ways...I think it would be safe, while he's ***CRAZY*** to ask him about some of them..." Hermoine started and then left Harry and Ron as she looked for Draco's dorm.  
  
'where is it?' she thought as she searched around, 'Oh yeah.' she turned to doorknob as quietly as she could so as not to startle Draco (Confucius say: NEVER startle Crazy person...) but she was the one startled...inside was Draco...not ***CRAZYDRACO*** but Draco, talking to Crabbe and Goyle about how his ***Plan*** was going so far.  
  
This struck Hermoine's interest, so she snuck into the bathroom and listened...what she heard was enough to get Draco expelled...but in the spirit of Halloween...she decided not to tell anyone...just play with his mind a little...(*evil~laugh*)  
  
After what seemed like hours in the bathroom holding a magically transfigured voice recorder (I hope Draco won't miss his toothbrush) Crabbe and Goyle finally left (Yes, I KNOW tape recorders DON'T work at hogwarts, but WORK with me here!!!) & Hermione jumped out of the Bathroom starling Draco. (Confucius say: If crazy person not really crazy...startle them for fun...)  
  
"well, well, well, Draco...I'd love to see how you're going to get yourself out of this one..." she said, holding up the recorder.  
  
Draco continued to stare, not knowing what to say. Hermione moved closer to him and he stepped back as she started to scream.  
  
"You Blithering asshole! You caused Harry to have to move out of our dorm! AND made fun of us all to your stupid ass friends Crabby an GarGoyle!" She yelled.  
  
Draco's eyes widened as unmentionable words (because I'm too lazy) escaped Hermione's mouth. He soon took to running away from her, but ended up cornered in the bathroom...so he did to only logical thing...he jumped up on the toilet (Confucius say: He who stand on toilet, be high on pot) "Now, Hermione...you don't really want to tell anyone about this do you?' Draco asked with an almost innocent smile.  
  
"HELL YEAH! I WANT to tell someone about this...but I wont," Draco's face eased a bit, "for a price..." she drawled.  
  
**Hey yall! I'm sorry for not updating again like I said I would...But I do promise to update right after school today, because I want to finish this whole Halloween thing on Halloween...Don't worry about a Draco Hermione Romance.it won't be happening...just stick with me here okay? Tell me what you think!  
  
~Jess 


	9. Halloween part II

In the Great Hall...  
  
Harry and Ron are eating their meal and contemplating whether or not they want to go trick or treating in the school.  
  
"I think we should get EVERYBODY to go trick or treating...and then take them up on the trick!!! 0o0o0o0o0o0...I could steal some good tricks from my brothers!" Ron said.  
  
"I dunno...it's all so...well...ummm..I dunno." Harry said.  
  
"Good point." Ron replied.  
  
Just then Neville walks up and sits next to Ron...  
  
"What's up my brother from another mother?" He asked.  
  
"Neville? What's wrong with you?" Harry asked.  
  
"Nothin' much g-dawd...juss cillaxin with my homies..."  
  
"Neville..." Ron started, "We ain't ya homies man...dog...cat...thing..."  
  
"yeah, so...sorry...ummmm...m-puppy? But this is an important conversation, not to be interrupted by your slang...stuff." Harry said.  
  
"I'm sorry G but I's is juss experimentin' ya know...with my personality...and shit." Neville replied.  
  
"Well...ummm...don't experiment too much...and if you do, do it with Seamus...because just between you and me...I think he butters his toast a little different...ya know what I mean.?" Ron said.  
  
"Yeah man I hear what you sayin' but I's juss not feelin' you, ya see cuz...I butter my toast left to right...and that's juss the way I be...yo?" Neville said.  
  
"Ummm...Harry?" Ron whispered, "Do ya think he even understands what he just said?"  
  
"no."  
  
Neville then lost his interest in talking to Harry and Ron, (he's ADD) and went to go catch up with things on Dean's side.  
  
"Sooo...back to Halloween...Where's Hermione?" Harry asked.  
  
"She went to go talk to Draco." Ron replied.  
  
"Weird..." Harry said.  
  
"What's weird?" Hermione asked walking up to her lil' click.  
  
"That you went to go talk to Draco." Ron replied.  
  
"I did? Why did I do that?" She asked.  
  
"Because of Halloween." Ron replied.  
  
"What...OH CRAP! I went to talk to Draco?" she asked.  
  
"Weird..." Harry said.  
  
"Ummmm.do either of you guys know if magical cloning is illegal?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Yeah...it is why..." Ron asked.  
  
"Nothing...I gotta go."she said.  
  
"where?" Harry said.  
  
"I hafta go see Draco..." she said.  
  
"Why?" Ron asked.  
  
"Ummm..Halloween?" She said and ran nervously off to go find...well.herself.  
  
*HERMIONE* (cough:::clone:::cough) walked out of Draco's room with a smile on her face and a pocket full of Golden Galleons...only to run into a very mad HERMIONE (cough:::real:::cough) who pushed her into a room where she magically got rid of her. (cough:::MURDER:::cough) and the the REAL Hermione Granger walked out of the room looking very content. (Will the real Hermione Granger please stand up? I REPEAT...WILL THE REAL HERMIONE GRANGER PLEASE STAND UP? We're gunna have a problem here...yall act like yall ain't never... sorry I got bored and the real slim shady is stuck in my head!)  
  
Draco ran out of his room to try to catch up to Hermione and make sure that they were clear on their agreement for Hermione to "forget" everything. And soon caught up to her.  
  
"HEY HERMIONE!" He yelled.  
  
"WHAT Draco?" The REAL Hermione asked.  
  
"So you give your Witch's honor not to tell anyone. Right?" He asked.  
  
"ummm...tall anyone what?" She asked.  
  
"Oh GOOD! You're "Forgetting" already!" He said and ran off.  
  
'Wow,' Hermione thought, 'maybe he IS quite a bit crazy!'  
  
Harry and Ron went to Harry's room where they found Draco jumping on the bed, and Hermione went to the Griffindor common room...  
  
"Sooo.Draco..what about all of this Halloween crap?" Harry asked.  
  
"It ISN'T crap!" Draco yelled as he stopped jumping. "You're only saying that because...you...are a penguin!"  
  
"yeah...sure...so what are you going to be?" Harry asked.  
  
"I Sorry...I don't talk to penguins." Draco announced.  
  
"What are you going to be?" asked an annoyed Ron.  
  
Draco studied him for a while and after deciding that he was not a penguin, he answered, "well, I was going to be a wizard...and then a potatoe...but then I decided on Eminem."  
  
Ron sat and thought for a moment trying to figure out how Draco could possibly look like an M&M...Harry noticed Ron's confusion, sighed and explained, "You know, Eminem...the rapper."  
  
"But...M&M's don't have WRAPPERS!" Ron exclaimed.  
  
"No, No, No! NOT THE candy... the rapper...you know...the one who raps." Draco said.  
  
"Oh THAT Eminem...bah, may a camel squat on that angry, mother hating, rapper's head!" Ron said as he got blank stares from the room... and the people in the room. "Oh sorry?"  
  
"Well what should I be?" Harry asked, knowing that Draco would probably end up picking it out anyways.  
  
"You don't have to dress up, you are a penguin." Draco said.  
  
"so I should dress up like a penguin?" Harry asked.  
  
"NO you ARE a penguin!" Draco replied. "and Ron...you can be...a crossing guard!!!"  
  
"A WHAT?" Ron asked baffled.  
  
"Well...I dunno...You could either be a crossing guard or a big red telephone booth!" Draco said.  
  
  
  
Well, I dunno you guys...I'm gunna hafta stop here but I WILL update tomorrow because I have no school!!! But, YOU HAVE TO REVIEW and tell me in the REVIEW if you want Ron to be a CROSSING GUARD or a BIG RED TELEPHONE BOOTH!!!! Other suggestions are accepted. 


	10. Halloween part III

A/N: didn't feel like waiting for you people to review so I decided to update. CROSSING GUARD IT IS!!! Thanks to all the people who DIDN'T review!!!* Okay so maybe I didn't give you a chance to review, but it's my party and I can cry if I want to!!!!* In Harry and Draco's room...  
  
Harry walks to the door to check for termites (a/n: this is what you call writer's block!) and Draco begins to laugh hysterically. Harry looks at Draco quizzically.  
  
"What?" Harry questioned.  
  
"Haha. Hehe. Ho ho ho-NO THAT'S SANTA!! Haha!!! You waddle like a penguin!!! Haha you ARE a penguin!!!" Draco blurted out excitedly.  
  
"Ummm...sure why not!"  
  
"Yes, Harry. But you're a very ugly penguin. So I put a spell on all mirrors you look into. So when you look into the mirrors, you're an ugly boy! No-nevermind...you're a GIRL penguin!" Draco sneered. He enjoyed being able to make fun of Harry without Harry being able to do anything about it.  
  
"Ummm...well if you want to pretend...I guess we can pretend," Harry ignored Draco's comment.  
  
"Who told you we were pretending?" Draco grinned a sexy grin.(a/n: not sexy to harry of course...but maybe sexy to all those STRAIGHT girls out there)  
  
"The termites." Harry said absentmindedly.  
  
"A penguin that talks to termites...now that sounds like pretend..." Draco opened a textbook (a/n: yes a textbook...what do you think they have? WORD books? Okay...bad um...pun? or joke...I'm just joshing with you...JOSH!!!!!!!lol...ummm...::cough::moving on...::cough:: )  
  
"Harry? Are you feeling okay?" Draco was showing FAKE concern. (a/n: of course, it doesn't seem fake since he's an ACTOR! Since acting's a roundabout way of lying. ::gets hit in the head by Jessica:: *Jessica's an actress...DUH! Haley's duh...JESSICA OWNS IT!!!!!!!!!* )  
  
"Yeah. Why?" harry pondered aloud. (a/n: maybe I should stop writing so many authors notes...)  
  
"Well...it says here that due to the slowing of the speed of light the sun has moved closer to the Earth in order to maintain it's distance in light- years, causing an unnatural global warming, melting the polar icecaps and creating global chaos for the penguins." Draco read aloud.  
  
"OH Dear GOD!" Harry said with false alarm (a/n: no more authors notes...)  
  
"Harry. I'm very worried about you..." Draco began.  
  
"I AM NOT A PENGUIN!"  
  
"YES YOU ARE!"  
  
"AM NOT!"  
  
"ARE TOO!"  
  
"AM NOT!" "ARE TOO!!" (A/N: JUST KIDDING!!!!!!) Draco smiled, knowing that he had won this battle.  
  
Meanwhile, Ron is looking around the world...for Carmen San Diego (maybe he should check in San Diego!!!! Lol...I meant to type "room" instead of world. So backspace or something and let the fun begin!)  
  
Meanwhile, Ron is looking around the room (I saved you the trouble of backspacing...) at all of Draco's stuff. He stumbles upon a gun and screams.  
  
"DRACO IT'S ILLEGAL!!!"  
  
"I plead the fifth for fear it might incriminate me!" Draco says, referring to the Fifth Amendment of America's Constitution. (Well...I hope your enjoying your American history lesson!)  
  
"Draco, you're not an American," Ron informed abundantly. (I have no clue what "abundantly" means, but in the words of Harry Potter: "We can pretend!")  
  
"AND I'M NOT A PENGUIN!" Harry interrupted rudely.  
  
"Yes you are and yes I am!" Draco shouted angrily.  
  
"But Draco, no you're not!" Ron lied(?????)  
  
"Well, you know what the say...When your pants fall down, you gotta pull them back up!"  
  
"Who's they, exactly?" Ron asked, intrigued.  
  
"The Americans...duh!" Draco answered matter of factly.(HALEY'S DUH! JESS OWNS IT!!)  
  
"0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oohhhhhh," Ron began to understand (or maybe he's ACTING! The roundabout way of ly-:::get hits on head by Jessica, mid- word.:: )  
  
  
  
If you'll excuse me I have to go snort my potato chips now! R/R!! Toodles!!!! And lots of butter for your toast, of course...just don't butter it from right to left! Crossing guard Ron coming soon!! Rated "R" for language, violence, and brief sexuality! (NOT SLASH! OR FLASH!) 


	11. Halloween part IV

DRACO IS STILL ****PSYCHO**** AND HE HAS A NEW LIL' PSYCHO THING! He thinks that he is an American!!! Anyroad...back to Halloween part III (this is beginning to be like one of those annoying horror movie sequences!)  
  
"Draco you KNOW that having guns is ILLEGAL...right?" Harry asked.  
  
"NO! Amendment two of my proud constitution states that it is a natural right for Americans to own firearms!"Draco retorted.  
  
"You're not an American you bloody fool!" Ron yelled.  
  
"Yes I AM! AND how would you know anyways? There are people from all over the world in this school!!!" Draco announced.  
  
"Well, gee Draco...MAYBE IT'S THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A VERY STRONG UPPER CLASS BRITISH ACCENT!!! Do ya think that might be it?" Ron asked.  
  
"Well, Harry has a Cockney accent and he is still a penguin!" Draco yelled.  
  
"I DON'T HAVE A COCKNEY ACCENT! Hagrid has a cockney accent, NOT ME!" Harry said.  
  
"WELL, IS HAGRID A PENGUIN? I think not!" Draco retorted.  
  
Ron sighs and drops the subject of the gun as soon as Harry transfigures it into a chair.  
  
"You're LUCKY that I don't go straight to Dumbledor and get you expelled! Why did you have a gun anyways?" Ron asked.  
  
"Well, it comes in handy when you need to protect yourself." Draco explained.  
  
"YOU HAVE A WAND! Why do you need a gun?" Harry yelled/asked.  
  
"No! No! No! HARRY! Not THAT kind of protection! Do I need to go into the whole sex-Ed talk?" Draco asked.  
  
"No!No! No! DRACO! You DON'T!" Harry and Ron pleaded in unison.  
  
"Awwww...why not?" Draco was disappointed. He really enjoyed giving the sex- Ed talk. (smirk; EVIL smirk...)  
  
"Because you'll confuse us..." Ron paused to think of something to say.  
  
"Because you'll scar us for life!" Harry finished.  
  
"But...Harry. You only know about HUMAN sex-ed. Don't you need to learn how the penguins do it?" Draco opened his mouth to proudly lecture the two on how penguins mated before Harry interrupted him.  
  
"Look, Draco. I know how humans mate, I know how dolphins mate. I know how dogs mate. I DON'T need to know how PENGUINS mate because I'm sure they all mate in almost the same manner!" Harry said.  
  
"No! NO! NO!!! The penguins are a little more interesting in their 'ways' for instance..." He continued to tell the more 'interesting' parts to penguin mating...  
  
Three hours later...Ron and Harry were staring open-mouthed at Draco as they eagerly awaited what might possibly happen next...oh and Harry didn't mind being a penguin as much anymore! "...and so...as we can tell, penguins don't get as much credit as they deserve." Draco finished and erased his blackboard drawings.  
  
"Gooooooo Harry! You took the...and the...and then...Goooo Harry!" Ron howled as he busted out laughing.  
  
"NO! Ron! That's wrong...you see as I have said before...Harry here is a GIRL penguin." Draco informed as the smug look on Harry's face dropped.  
  
"That's not funny Draco." Harry said.  
  
"Well I don't have to be funny...I AM AN AMERICAN!" Draco yelled defensively.  
  
Ron and Harry sighed as Draco sang the Canadian national anthem. (Yes CANADIAN! He is messed in the head remember.)  
  
Draco was getting bored and decided to let out all of his bottled up hyperness by standing on a chair and singing "I'm to sexy for my diaper...too sexy for my diaper...too sexy for my diaper..." and so on, but unfortunately the chair he was standing on happened to be his transfigured gun and exploded after he got off leaving Harry and Ron more frightened expressions that they had when he was singing (if that's possible)  
  
"Someone fed the gorilla beans again..." Draco explained.  
  
Between Harry and Ron's hour breakfast, the hour Draco spent deciding whether Ron should be a telephone booth or a crossing guard, the hour of arguing about penguins, the 3 hour sex talk, and the hour of Draco singing an improvised version of the Canadian National anthem, Draco realized that it was now time to go trick or treating...so he handed Ron his spare crossing guard costume and began to work on his Eminem costume...  
  
1st he stood in front of his mirror, and bleached his hair with some peroxide.  
  
2nd he reached for T-shirt to wear.  
  
And 3rd he put on a backwards hat that said, "I hate my Mum!"  
  
Then, Eminem, the crossing guard, and harrieta the penguin set of to go dorm to dorm trick or treating!  
  
They arrived at the first door and Draco knocked,  
  
"Trick or treat!" Draco said and then stared at Ron and Harry until they said it too.  
  
"Ummm...I don't have any candy!" said the poor first year, and then handed each of them an apple because he was afraid of the death glare he was getting from that evil looking white rapper.  
  
Draco picked up his apple and stared at it for a moment, then he consulted his handy manual for good trick or treating, it said under Rule nine that "If the candy sucks, ask for ten bucks."  
  
'Bucks?' Draco wondered, 'What is a buck?'  
  
"GIVE ME TEN DUCKS!" Draco yelled deciding that it was a typing error. The little kid stared at him for a moment then ran and hid.  
  
The next couple of dorms went pretty much the same way, but they were only in the griffindor's dorms so Draco assured the others that the Slytherin's would be better. (they could only go to the griff's and the Slytherin's dorms because they didn't know the other passwords)  
  
When they got to Hermione's dorm she answered with three big handfuls of candy (YES in MY story she can have THREE hands!)  
  
"wow! Ron...NICE OUTFIT!" She said referring to his VERY tight lime green stretch pants! (EVIL GRIN)  
  
"what about ME?!" Draco asked.  
  
"oh...you too Draco..." She said.  
  
"Thank you...I like your costume too!" he replied nicely.  
  
"But.I'm not in a costume...YOU LITTLE WEASEL!" She yelled.  
  
"Please...Hermione...you might offend Ron!" Draco said.  
  
"OKAY! Is it just me or does he get more and more like the normal Draco everyday?" Ron yelled.  
  
"Ron...he thinks I'm a penguin!" Harry said convincing Ron that Draco was still crazy.  
  
At the next Griff. Girl's dorm Jessica and Melany answered the door! (A/N: that's me and my friend) and handed them ***COOKIES*** (cough:::dog biscuts:::cough)  
  
And they were off...during the next hour Draco and the others had completely finished their ***cookies*** WinkWinkNudgeNudge! And were starting to feel a bit odd, thinking that they REALLY needed to get back to their dorms soon they forgot about trick or treating with the Slytherin's and made there way back to Harry and Draco's Doorway. (Ron was spending the night w/ Harry. DON'T THINK THE THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE THINKING BECAUSE NO! He shall sleep on the floor!)  
  
They finally got there and Draco knocked on the door to his EMPTY dorm and yelled, "TRICK OR TREAT!"  
  
Ron shook his head as Harry said their new password, "Dr. salt" and dragged Draco into the room.  
  
  
  
Wowerz! I WANT REVIEWS! Please? There's this girl in the SAME category that has 55 reviews and SHE only has FIVE chapters and here I am on my 11th! chapter and I don't have as many! Is it because my story is not as good? TELL ME IN A REVIEW!!! Criticism is accepted AS LONG AS it's CONSTRUCTIVE! I like GOOD reviews BETTER though!!!  
  
~*~Jessica~*~ 


	12. Halloween no more!

Harry (or harrieta!), Ron, and Draco staggered into the room and raced eachother to the bathroom (to barf) *aren't I good with words!* Draco won and insisted on taking three hours while Harry and Ron were left to suffer outside with aching tummies! (awwww! poor guys...maybe I should relieve them of their pain and suffering...I must put them out of their misery!) Draco ran out of the bathroom with wand pointed and killed them...NAW! I WAS JUSS PLAYIN'! HAAHAHAHA! I can do that crap...cuz I the author...YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I'M THE AUTHOR! NO! WHAT YOU TALKIN'? HUH? DO YOU WANT SUM OF THIS? Ohhhhh...you gone and dun it now! I must go and listen to my eminem CD to relieve myself of my anger! Hmmmmmm...I'm better...soooooooo thanx to those of you that review!!!! (I forgot to say that up at the top...in fact I forgot to make a top.) So, Draco finally feels a little better, so he walked out of the bathroom and laughed as harry and Ron threatened to hurt eachother to get into the restroom (WHY RESTroom? YOU DON'T REST IN THERE!!! I just don't understand...gosh...I shall never say RESTroom again!) Harry won and took the room for an hour as Ron continued to suffer. (Awwww! why do I make Ron suffer so? BECAUSE HE'S A REDHEAD!!! DUH! **HALEY'S DUH**) So, Ron finally gets his chance at the BATHroom only to find that he doesn't even have a stomachache anymore. So he walked out and Harry and Draco stare openmouthed at him because they had to spend buttloads of time in there and he walks out after 3 seconds.  
  
After that eventful day they found that they were extremely exhausted and had to get to sleep...but NOT before Draco read some Dr. Suess!!!  
  
" 'I LIKE green eggs and ham, I DO I like them Sam-I-am!'" Draco finished. Draco then put the book away and curled up in his bed, and harry curled up in his bed and Ron curled up...on the floor (It's because he's a redhead)  
  
They slept peacefully through the night and were only interrupted when Draco stumbled over Ron while trying to make a late night phone call, and then again about five minutes later when Draco stumbled back over Ron grumbling about not knowing how to use those blasted telephones, or even knowing what one did.  
  
The next morning Draco was up bright and early and waiting for the others to wake up so that he could force them into a game of "sorry" (I LOVE that game) Obligated (by Draco's screams) they took turns flipping the cards over and moving the pieces, at the end of the game Draco had come in first place, (he cheated) harry was in second, and of course that leaves Ron in last place. (because he's a redhead)  
  
Surprisingly Ron and Harry were having fun talking to ***crazyDraco** and playing outdated board games...until Draco had the urge to sing...  
  
"I was ten,  
  
I was thin,  
  
I was playing first base  
  
with a secondhand glove and dirt on my face  
  
In nowhere, Virginia  
  
Who'd ever figure that kid in the yard would go very far  
  
It was 419 Lakewood , had no silverspoons  
  
Just an old beat up upright that played out of tune  
  
Now I'm singin' and living the life that I love  
  
And when I count my blessings I thank God I was  
  
An American child  
  
An American child  
  
'Cause dreams can grow wild  
  
Born inside an American child  
  
Seven pounds, three ounces, she's got my nose  
  
And she's into my heart as deep as it goes  
  
With a promise that's more than just someone's last name  
  
Anyone's equal, in late August came  
  
An American child  
  
An American child  
  
'Cause dreams can grow wild  
  
Born inside an American child  
  
My grandfather would have been eighty today  
  
But in '45 he fell down beside an American child  
  
An American child  
  
Oh, an American child  
  
'Cause dreams can grow wild born inside an American child  
  
An American child"  
  
"UMMMM...Draco...FIRST of all, YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICANCHILD! SECOND of all, you DON'T have a kid! THIRD of all...why? FIFTEENTH OF ALL...I can't count, SEVENTH of all HOW IN THE FREAKIN' HOLY SUN THAT IS BLESSED TO THIS EARTH DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THOSE AMERICAN SONGS?" Ron asked.  
  
"Holy sun? Ummm...I more confused than a bastard on father's day...AND OF COURSE I'M NOT AN AMERICAN CHILD...I'M AN AMERICAN TEENAGER! There's a big difference!" Draco informed.  
  
  
  
GAWD, yall that was my shortest and suckiest chapter EVER! I apologize, but I have writer's block and I figured I had to put some kind of a chapter up, so here it is...again, I'M SORRY! I will do better next time.  
  
COMING UP: Transvestite bathrooms...more of Draco's craziness...and THANKSGIVING!!!  
  
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o...I want to bounce an idea off of yall (I hope it won't hurt!) Okay this is an idea for another fanfic, it's gunna be a spoof of Harry Potter but it's gunna be about the actors, for example, Tom Felton (he plays Draco) Will be like Draco but in different ways, like instead of being Jealous of Harry for being a more famous wizard, he would be jealous of Danielle for being sooo famous even though he has only been in two movies and toms has acted in like a billion things! And Rupert (Ron) would be like Ron but instead of being made fun of for being poor...he will be made fun of for having red hair, AND TOM WILL HATE AMERICANS! (INSTEAD OF 'MUDBLOODS') REVIEW and tell me if I should write it!!! AND GIVE SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!!!!!! 


	13. oh no! more RAP!

Hey yall!!! I just wanted to make a few things clear here.first of all I do NOT hate redheads! I PROMISE!!! My favorite aunt is a redhead!!! Second of all I AM AN AMERICAN!!! I DON'T hate them!!!! Lol!!! And third...I SOOOOO SORRY for not updating sooner!!!!! I HAVE 50 REVIEWS!!!!!! I can't even believe that...I never expected much of a response to this story! And that now that I have them I still feel greedy! I WANT MORE!!!!! (*said in crazy voice while I chew a hot biscuit in front of a homeless man in the cold streets of NY*) ON TO THE FIC!!!  
  
Draco was in a very **singer** mood so he decided to rap to Eminem!!! (someone has informed me that I am a bit too obsessed with Em but we don't choose our obsessions...they choose us...OMG! Eminem chose ME!!! EWWWWWW! That's gross...I HATE him with all of the blue side of my heart, but I AM obsessed!!! On to Draco singing...to...THE REAL DRACO MALFOY!!!!  
  
Will the real Draco malfoy please stand up? I REPEAT will the REAL Draco Malfoy please stand up...uh oh we're gunna have a problem here...  
  
Yall act like yall ain't never seen a British rapper before, wands drop to the floor like Voldemort just cursed Dumbledor, and started burning Hogwarts right down to the floor...the ashes fall down, he's startin' on the furniture! (*Screams*)  
  
It's the return of the...AWW WAIT...NAW WAIT...You're KIDDING! He didn't just say V...V...Voldemort did he? And Voldemort said...NOTHING You IDIOTS Voldemort's banned he's locked down in Azkaban...  
  
*CUTS TO BACKGROUND MUSIC OF "CRIMINAL"*  
  
Ya wanna know why?  
  
Cuz He's a CRIMINAL...CRIMINAL...Yeah he's a CRIMINAL...You're damn right he's a CRIMINAL!  
  
My wand spits out fire like a dragon's breath that'll burn you till' you're dead whether you're a squib or less, whether you're a muggle, a mudblood, guess what's next...  
  
*Music cuts to "Business"*  
  
(in a painting in the background the fat lady from the Gryffindor room is singing)  
  
Fat lady: MAL-FOY! MAL-FOY!!  
  
Random kid that somehow got lost in Harry and Draco's room: MALFOY! Sounds like an SOS!  
  
Draco: HOLY WACK UNMIRCIAL MAGIC, KID! YOU'RE F***IN' RIGHT!  
  
Random kid: TO THE RAP- MOBILE!  
  
(fat lady continues to sing **MALFOY**))  
  
Draco: Pure bloods and Mud-bloods! IT'S SHOW TIME! HURRY! HURRY! Step right up! Introducing the star of our show! His name is...  
  
Fat lady: MALFOY!  
  
Draco: You wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world...so without further adieu...  
  
Fat lady: MALFOY! Draco stops realizing tat he has run out of lyrics (I'm too lazy) and goes to sit down on the couch as if getting up and ripping your own little versions of Eminem songs is the most normal thing in the world to do...  
  
"Ummmmmm...Draco?" Ron began, "WHAT was that?"  
  
Draco shrugged and just sat there on the couch...lost in thought... after a few minutes of frustrated curses he found his way back to reality (Op there goes gravity...) (He was too stubborn to ask for directions so he stayed lost in thought for a while)  
  
"Ya know..." He announced, getting harry and Ron's attention away from to roach they were staring at, "I DON'T want to be Eminem anymore...I WANT TO BE DR. DRE! Because then I can call myself Dr. DRA-CO!!! BUT THEN AGAIN...I DON'T KNOW ANY OF HIS SONGS...Soo..." He rambled on...  
  
  
  
AHHHH! THAT WAS SOOOOOO GAY! I'm sorry yall...I WILL get better with this!!!! It's just that it's 2:00 right now and it's a school night and I NEEDED to update BADLY Sooo... here it is! PLEASE DON"T FLAME!!!! 


	14. Chairs, telephone booths, and Pizza!

Hey yall! Someone has just informed me that not everyone listens to Eminem...YEAH RIGHT! Next thing you know...she'll be telling me that Mushroom mountain isn't in Vermont!!! I'm just kidding yall...from here on out, NO MORE EMINEM!!!! (wow!) I shall go back to my original funniness! (did I have any?)  
  
Dumbledore sent Harry and Draco an owl that arrived during Draco's pouting about not being Dr. Dra-co  
  
Harry read it and looked up horrified...  
  
"I'm sooo sorry Ron." Harry said as he handed the letter to Ron.  
  
It read: Dear Mr. Potter, Malfoy, and Weasley, It has come to my attention that Draco has been disrupting most of his classes and the teachers are getting quite mad, so as a solution to this problem I have decided to excuse Harry and Draco from all further classed until the problem at hand desists. I do realize that Harry is probably getting a little crazy, himself from not having much contact with friends, and therefore I shall also excuse Ron Wesley from his classes. He shall be moving in with Draco and Harry and should have all of his stuff packed by 7:00 this afternoon. From: ME! You nimrods!  
  
Ron gulped and looked up. (I HAD to move Ron in...It's because of his AWESOME red hair! *see...I like red hair!*)  
  
They told Draco the news and he acted unfazed...in fact the only thing he did was get off the couch and go sit in the chair.  
  
Harry and Ron shook their heads and watched Draco as he leaned backwards in the chair and hummed a tune of...(I CAN'T SAY IT!) of...(AHHHHH! IT'S KILLING ME!) of...MOBY! (tear!) And then Ron ran off to pack.  
  
While Ron was gone...(HEY! That rhymed! OH NO! It reminds me of...of...the OTHER He who must not be named! ::cough:eminem:cough::  
  
Draco continued to lean back at a dangerous angle in his chair. Harry watched anxiously afraid that Draco would fall and give himself further brain damage. Back and back he leaned...and then BARK! He fell. Harry expected him to start screaming, or to curse the chair...but to his surprise, He started to LAUGH hysterically.  
  
Harry watched in pure amazement as a still laughing Draco got back into the chair and started to lean back again. Harry lost interest after a while and Draco finally calmed himself down only to (BARK!) fall again, AND laugh hysterically again. Harry watched, not daring to ask, as Draco continued the same routine twelve times.  
  
Draco got back on the chair again and was leaning over too far as Ron opened the door and threw his stuff on the new bed that had appeared soon after he left. This time when Draco fell over backwards, he fell out of shock and did not laugh, instead he looked back at the chair with a glare (TEAR! IT RHYMED!) and said, "It isn't funny anymore!"  
  
Harry and Ron turned to eachother and shrugged, he was talking to a chair. Draco got up and sat on the couch again as Ron put is stuff away. Draco sat and pouted for about ten minutes and them in a stroke of genius...he ran to retrieve the telephone booth that Ron had refused to be for Halloween.  
  
"Harry," Draco said, "Teach me how to use this!"  
  
Harry looked at the phone booth and then at Draco and then at the phone and then at Draco and then at the phone and then at Ron and then at the phone and then at Draco and then at the phone.  
  
"Uhhhhhhhh..." He stared, "wellll..okay?"  
  
He told Draco about all of the buttons and then showed him the phone book and how each person had their own number, and if you punched that number in the phone you could get in touch with that person. Draco watched, amazed at this piece of muggle technology.  
  
Draco was too afraid to use the phone when Harry thought he was ready but he did sit and read the phone book all day, occasionally yelling things like, "oh WOW! Frank Johnson...837-9494! HOLY COW!" and, "DANIELL RADCLIFFE 348-9208! WHAT AN ODD NAME!" and "Sean Biggerstaff...290-6703!!! He sounds familiar!"  
  
After Draco tried his first "Call And Hang Up" phone call...Harry knew he was ready...ready for the BEST darned thing that you can do with a phone in phone history!!! He taught him how to order PIZZA!!!  
  
Sooo...Draco called PIZZA ROOF!!!  
  
::RING:RING::  
  
"Hello you have reached Pizza Roof! How may I help you?" Came the cheery voice of the phone answering person. (let's call him Bob)  
  
"ummmm...I'll have a big Mac with extra cheese and lettuce please." Draco said.  
  
"I'm sorry sir this is PIZZA Roof...We sell PIZZA!" Bob explained.  
  
"oh...what KIND of pizza?" Draco asked.  
  
"Ummm...Today we have a special on cheesy cheese pizza for half off." Bob said.  
  
"I shall not be swayed by your sweet words." Draco replied.  
  
"ummm... Sir, I was just telling you Pizza Roof's specials!" Bob explained confused.  
  
"And what is the telephone number of this 'Pizza Roof' that you speak of?" Draco asked.  
  
Poor Bob was soooo confused that he gave Draco the phone number to Pizza Roof and hung up. Draco wrote the number down and dialed it. Bob picked up the ringing phone.  
  
"hello?" asked Bob.  
  
"hello?" asked Draco.  
  
"Ummmm.would you like to order a pizza sir?" Asked bob.  
  
"WHAY ARE YOU CALLING ME???" asked Draco slamming the phone down. He then calmly picked the phone back up and dialed again.  
  
"Pizza Roof!" Bob answered.  
  
"You're a pizza roof?" Draco asked confused.  
  
"No, sir, that's the name of this company." Bob explained.  
  
"If I order this pizza that you keep mentioning...will I get to keep the box?" asked Draco.  
  
"why...yes sir" Bob answered and Draco breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Ok then, I'll have a medium pizza with MUSHROOMS, and 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractional pattern as follows from the equation y= x multiplied by the square root of 7 divided by the greater value of 12. Please put the crust on top this time! Oh and NO MUSHROOMS please." Draco ordered. "Do you need me to repeat that?"  
  
"Um, sir, I have a couple of questions-" Bob started.  
  
"That'll be $10.75! Please drive around to the front window!" Draco interrupted.  
  
"Ummm...NO YOU ORDERED THE PIZZA! Ummm...Let's see...where do you want it delivered?" Bob said forgetting about asking Draco what he meant.  
  
"Hmmm...Deliver it to number 4 Privet Drive. There, an owl will be sitting to the mail-box with your money, strap the box to the owl's foot and then leave, and remember, we NEVER had this conversation." Draco informed and hung up before poor Bob could ask any questions.  
  
Three hours later Draco, Harry, and Ron were chomping down on pizza!!  
  
WOW!!!! THAT'S MY FAVORITE CHAPTER YET! And Eminem has leaked his way out of my system!! (okay, I lied.)  
  
BYERZ!!! 


	15. Houston, Alaska

After eating their pizza with the crust on top, with mushrooms, and without mushrooms, and fifty two pepperoni slices that had not been put together correctly (and keeping the box), the two men and the psycho decided to order some desert.  
  
Since it was Friday, Draco called TGI Thursdays.  
  
"'lo?" an acne covered voice answered. (don't ask how we know it's an acne covered voice, but Malcom and The Middle was on last night. And that's a cool show! Not that it has anything to do w/ acne covered voices ...NO I LIED! It DOES! It really DOES! CUZ FRANKIE MUNIZ HAS AN ACNE COVERED FACE!!!!!)  
  
(NO WAIT! I LIED AGAIN! Frankie Muniz has barely any pimples on his face! We related it to MALCOM IN THE MIDDLE cuz uhhhh...WE'RE THE AUTHORS! So...uhh.DON'T COMPLAIN!)  
  
"Hi. I'd like to order a desert. Do you deliver?" Draco tried being polite. He was testing a theory to see which was more effective: being an asshole, or being nice.  
  
"Nope. You pick it up."  
  
Draco's line of patience was running thin.  
  
"Well, where are you stationed?" he snapped.  
  
"Corner of Third and Main."  
  
"What city!" he yelled.  
  
"CHICAGO!" the waiter was irritated now.  
  
"WHERE'S THAT!"  
  
"Illinois..." the stupid guy was confused now.  
  
"Oh, that's my home-state," Draco lied.  
  
"Oh really, where ya' from?" the nerd was interested now.  
  
"uhhh..." Draco racked his brain in search of answers. "HOUSTON!"  
  
"That's in Texas..."  
  
"Not THAT Houston. You know, the one in uhhhh..." Draco forgot the state mentioned above. "ALASKA!"  
  
"There's a Houston in Alaska?" The freak was freaked now.  
  
"Yup, real hot down there...Never snowed once." Draco said.  
  
"Excuse me sir, but you sound like you're from Europe. Somewhere around Britain maybe?"  
  
"I TOLD YOU! I GREW UP IN HOUSTON, ALASKA!"  
  
"BUT YOU ALSO TOLD ME ILLINOIS WAS YOUR HOME STATE! AND THAT IT'S NEVER SNOWED IN ALASKA! You fucking CRACKTARD!"  
  
"Oh." Draco thought thoughtfully for a second. "What's a cracktard?"  
  
"Nevermind. What would you like to order?" The waiter was tired now. Draco added it to his list of American lingo to use Later on.  
  
"Oh. Nothing. I was just going to suggest something."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"You guys should call yourselves TGI FRIDAY'S."  
  
"Well that's one crazy idea. What did they teach you down in Houston, Alaska?"  
  
"Well, I don't know about you. But here, we have seven days of the week."  
  
"US too..." The dude was annoyed.  
  
"Is every day called Thursday?"  
  
"Nope. But not every day's Friday either."  
  
"But Fridays better than Thursday!" Draco yelled after slamming down the phone. HE explained to Harry and Ron that the penguins screaming from the Galapagos was interfering with the overseas phone call.  
  
Two weeks later, watching the television, he heard the news. An Illinois citizen and employee of TGI Thursdays had become a millionaire after changing the name from TGI THURSDAY's to TGI FRIDAYS.  
  
~!~ Three WEEKS LATER~!~  
  
"Harry. You're a cracktard!" Draco told Harry.  
  
"Oh. Okay." He said absentmindedly.  
  
"DON'T YOU CARE! I JUST CALLED YOU A CRACKTARD!"  
  
"AND?"  
  
"Stupid cracktard."  
  
"hmm?" Harry didn't look up from his phone book. (he's a Draco poser)  
  
"RON!"  
  
"What?" He was grateful for an excuse to get away from his homework...even though he has none...  
  
"You're a cracktard!"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO YOU?!"  
  
"Oh. Nothing." Draco shrugged and walked away.  
  
"What's a cracktard anyway?" Ron asked Harry.  
  
"Beats me." Harry shrugged as a pair of Adidas Dockers (???) began beating him.  
  
Ten minutes later, Ron heard screaming from Draco's side of the room.  
  
"YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A DOG HUMPING WENCH! TAKE YOUR LUMPY REDNECK ASS BACK TO 'BAMA WHERE IT BELONGS! And go play some soccer to lose some of that freakin weight, it's the only other alternative for gator huntn'!" Draco yelled as he slammed the phone down.  
  
"Who was that?" Ron asked, curious.  
  
"Oh, just your mom. But don't worry,. She'll call back later!" Draco said with a grin. Ron's face got as red as his hair, and Harry tried to hold him back, but the Adidas Dockers were still clapping against his ears. Draco just laughed.  
  
"Harry, you have something on your head." He smiled.  
  
"Duh Draco," he glared at him.  
  
"Well, Ron...I was just wondering. Penguins don't have tennis shoes. They don't need them. So why are they beating Harry in the head?  
  
"Beats me..." Ron said, and the shoes aimed in his direction.  
  
A/N: GIVE IT UP FOR MELANY! OR SHOULD I SAY ME! The guest author for this chapter!  
  
Haha that sucked! 


	16. I am dead

Dear readers, I regret to inform you that I have died, and thus, am unable to finish this story (because I'm dead). I would like you to contact, the now deceased, me if you would like to take over this story. You will get full credit for the chapters that you produce, and you will help keep this story from joining my grave. I'm sorry for dying like this and not being able to finish this story, but it's not that great anyway so...yeah...I'm dead.  
  
GoodByeBye!!!  
  
*walks away and continues her **Dead** life* 


	17. my last goodbye

Oh, I was so busy explaining about how I'm dead and all to mention that If you want to take over this story my e-mail is toohott2touch44@yahoo.com. Thank you, have a nice day!  
  
Oh and if you were wondering about how I died...well, I govern this organization called SBU (I will not tell you what SBU stands for...I will take it to my grave...which has already been dug and is waiting for my dead body) yeah...well thanks to this girl named Melany, the boys from SBU rebelled and it resulted in a war...and due to a multi-colored lamb/goat/dog named chew, I was killed.  
  
Ha (one ha!) Mel! 


End file.
